shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
