Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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