I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
