your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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