I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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