Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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