Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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