SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
