Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
