guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
