Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
