4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
