So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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