Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
