i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
