btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
