I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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