i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
