He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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