I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Green mimosas i think yes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
