i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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