please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
