Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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