he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
