What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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