having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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