so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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