mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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