Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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