lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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