i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
