3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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