The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
