I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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