Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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