he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
