well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
