i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize