where am i from again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
