The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize