I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh god the rape fog is back!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
