Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize