addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
