i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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