no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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