I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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