I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
