There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
