He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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