The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
