careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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