need another drink. this is the easiest way
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
