I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize