I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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