I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
