we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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