Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So vagazzling was a success
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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