Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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