I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
