Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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