He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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