he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
