We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
