I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
