If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
