I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
