you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
