At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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