beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
