hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
