apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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