Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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